Monday, May 08, 2006

Read This To Make You More Wild And Witty


Nice legs...what time do they open?
Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one
talking to you.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher:
have you seen one?
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
Want to play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride
you all day long for a quarter.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a
light switch away.
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for
that thing you do with your tongue.
(Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.
You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?
Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we
could do it in public.
Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza? Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???
Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

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